02 / 22 / 2011

Recently I've been having trouble waking up in the morning. Every morning, when i wake up, i will myself to stand up, but deep down i ask myself "Why should I?" and the problem is, i can't even find a reason to do it.

Yes, I've clouded myself with smoke and alcohol because i'm too scared to face life's challenges. Everytime i invest my time and effort into something i really want, i always seem to fail, which has led me to question my faith once again. Yes, i know it isn't God's fault. I've told myself a thousand times. Then who's to blame? No one but me. But I'm tired of it. I'm always blaming myself, thinking I'm a fool.. a coward.. an idiot. Now that explains my low self-esteem.

It's about time i stopped this. To my dear friend, yes, you know who you are. Thank you for talking some sense into my rock-hard head. I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to give you and early birthday present. :) yes, later today, it'll be my fourth, and LAST. :)

I hope and pray, that this too is just a passing phase. Lord, help me. Hear my prayers.

P.S. happy birthday to my besfriend since level 3 mikel steven l. saromines! :D

i wanna play ball.. :(

why is it that when i want it to rain, it never does. but when i expect a bright and sunny day, i get a rainstorm. :(

i wanna play ballllll. samok ang ulan. makalagot. uggghh. kanina pa kami nagahintay ni jake para maka laro ba. sige parin ulan. pero anyyywayyy..

my real reason for posting is to share a simple thought. when we love someone, and they end up hurting us, doing everything to get him/her back is not worth it. that shit won't work in real life. sure, we see it all the time in movies.. but the truth is, it won't work in real life. when he/she says it's over, he/she means it. like tank's father said in my bestfriend's girl, "the truth will set you free.. but first it's gonna piss you off." well, that's a slightly better version of "The truth hurts." and so, upon realizing this, i finally stopped. i kept trying and trying and trying, but in the end, i did not get the aftermath that i had wanted. instead, i pushed her away even further. i guess people make up quotes like "dreams really do come true" or "if you try your hardest, you will succeed" in order to protect us from the pain of disappointment. face it, we only feel the pain if we do nothing about it. but if we keep on trying, eventually the pain will go away when we focus on the thought of possibly achieving something again.

and so, as expected, i went into a 6-month emo/heartbroken/loser phase. but then i realized, i don't need this. and so i asked my self, who is my first love? who's been there for me every time i needed help? does being with her make me happy? finally i found my answer. BASKETBALL. yes, it's my first love. it's been there fore me all my life and yes, i am happy when i do it. so i made a promise to myself, i will not let any girl ruin my life ever again. instead, i will focus on basketball, especially now since ComBioBmTancy plays regularly on saturdays. i will become better. i know what you're thinking. "didn't he just say a while ago that dreams never really do come true? or trying won't do you any good?" Well, then i guess i'm focusing on the possibility of achieving something again.. and when the time comes that i end up disappointed again, i'll have another blog post waiting.. face it, that's life. we all have our own way of coping with it.. this is mine. :)

Quickie

Yes, just a quickie. No, not that kind of quickie, dirty little minds. :)) I'm waiting for my breakfast, so for now i'll blog a bit.


I've got three words for ya, I'm going home. :) You might be wondering, "So he's not home? Where is he?" Well, I am at home, but that's not what i meant. It's more symbolic than what you think. Just think of daughtry's song as it goes like "im coming home, TO THE PLACE WHERE I BELONG..." Now that's what i'm talking about. My heart is finally back to where it truly belongs. char. If you're curious about what I'm talking about, stay tuned. I'll blog about it someday. :)


ah, here comes breakfast. :D

Euphoria.. Not.

I hate how life speeds up time when we are at our happiest. POOF! and it's all gone.


A few days ago, i was able to hold her again. 5 long months, and i was able to hear her sweet voice again. But alas, Mayet's debut is over. No more nightly practices, no more dancing. We go to different schools, heck, we don't even text anymore. I don't know what to feel. A few days ago i was in a state of euphoria, and now i'm feeling the total opposite. I need something to take my mind off her, but what? I can't play ball because of my recent injury. I can dance, but it won't last that long. I need something that'll last for hours and make me forget. I can't go back to drowning myself in video games, it'll ruin my grades (though my grades are a mess to begin with).


I know we are given problems for us to overcome and help us become stronger, but why do i feel weaker? Oh Life, your ways confuse me. Why can't it be just simply easy?


and now i'll leave you with a few lines from a poem i have just read.

I can no more hear Love's

Jose Garcia Villa

 i can no more hear love's

voice. No more moves

the mouth of her. Birds

No more sing. Words

I speak return lonely.

Flowers i pick turn ghostly.

Fire that I burn glows

Pale. No more blows

The wind. Time tells

No more truth. Bells

Ring no more in me.

I am all alone singly.

Lonely rests my head,

-O my God I am dead. 

And so i stand corrected.. Again.. :|

okay, i know most of you won't understand what i'm about to talk about, but here i go.


I should have listened to mottie. you see, a few days back me and motts had a little chat, and i told her something about someone, and to my surprise, she wasn't too happy for me. But i liked how honest she was about the situation.


Last night, something happened. Something that i haven't told motts yet, pero sige lang, i'll text her later. anyway, it happened, and i got hurt. really bad. hence the whole "i should have listened to mottie" thing.


I should have thought about it logically like motts did. But i didn't. I went in, heart-first, with my head in my pocket, and failed miserably. Hindi man sa nagyayabang ako or anything, but I've never been wrong about these things before. I mean, things about "her" at least. But i guess she's changed. I guess i've changed too.


So this post is dedicated to my dear friend motts. Thanks sa mga ftw advice. And next time, i'll listen to you na. :)))

Fragmented Ideas

Hey guys, i want you to read my reflection paper and analyze the structure well.

Salamat, Mama, sa Pahinumdom - Reflection Paper

An old friend once said, “The only way to truly love someone is to realize that they can be lost.” I never really understood this until I read “Salamat, Mama, sa Pahinumdom” During our literature class our teacher asked our classmate “If you were Sam, what would you do when Melba leaves you?” “I would do anything to get her back, and I’d change my ways for our family” was the response I heard. It was then that I understood the theme “Love is not enough.”

The problem is when the girl says yes, we are clouded by the illusion that they are ours forever. Well, for us men at least. But when you see them walk away, you realize that Love wasn’t enough. For a relationship to work, you’ve got to have not only love, but patience and perseverance as well. Why? Find me a couple that has never been in a fight, or even in a small argument or misunderstanding. Even if you trek around the world and back, you will never find what you’re searching for, for it is impossible to have a flawless relationship.

What Sam did was wrong, but he was not the only one to blame. When you get married, you made a vow to your spouse to love them for better, for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. Melba took the easy way out and left. She should have stayed and asked Sam to change. If Sam truly loved her, then he would have agreed. Melba was scared, and she had every right to be, but abandoning her husband wasn’t the right thing to do. There is a solution to every problem, and they should have tried fixing it.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending Sam. In my eyes, they were both guilty. After reading the story, I realized that Love is not as magical as people perceive it to be. In Life, one must not forget about Perseverance, Loyalty, Patience, and Respect.

Submitted by: Francis Damaso

Do you see it? It's fragmented isn't it? I hate that. Ughh.. This has always been my weakness, my ideas are fragmented. Meaning, i can't instill unity in my writings. The ideas are all mixed up, examples are a mess, the clinching sentences were made as if a ten-year-old picked up a pen and started writing, and sentences are not connected. Help me. please. How can i improve my writing? If only my mind had a "Defragger" like computers do. Let me know 'cause i want to improve. :)

Hell Year

"play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love."

My cousin's been bugging me about this song for weeks now, but i never really liked the song. This morning, as i was heading off to school, i turned on the radio and there it was. It was then that i realized, dayum! It's not that bad.

Anyway, today was hell. Come to think of it, this week was hell-like. First of all, Christmas break was too damn short. I had the time of my life, daily parties, getting wasted and literally LMFAO-ing with my closest friends and family with no grades to worry about. but i was unaware of the unresolved problems i had left behind. I had forgotten about the tests we took before the break. I'm 100% sure i'd fail half my subjects. So far, english and literature were the only subjects that gave the results. I passed english, but i failed literature. Yes, i'm not a fan of analyzing poems. On top of that, i had been cutting class regularly because of stress.

Stress - My worst enemy. Recently I've been really stressful. I'd have daily headaches and vertigo. So i tried investigating on the problem. What the fudge is keeping me so stressed? Well, there's schoolwork. They weren't kidding when they warned me that taking up Computer Science wasn't an easy walk in the park, if you know what i mean. Then there's family issues. I'd rather not talk about it in front of the world wide web. Lastly, it's you know who. Yes, for those of you who know me, and i mean really know me, you know who i'm talking about. Why am i stressing over her you ask? Well, honestly, i don't know either. I've moved on, thanks to my oh-so-wonderful friends. But there's something about her that still bewilders me. Bad ending? No, months of silence already forced the closure. Unable to let go? As I've previously said, I've moved on. Still have feelings for her? No. She's changed. I'm in love with the girl back in high school, not this. Maybe I'm waiting for that girl to come back?

I don't know. But when i find the answers, i'll let you know. Though I'm pretty sure I'm addressing no one here since i haven't had any followers in this blog yet. :)) anyway, good night.