02 / 22 / 2011

Recently I've been having trouble waking up in the morning. Every morning, when i wake up, i will myself to stand up, but deep down i ask myself "Why should I?" and the problem is, i can't even find a reason to do it.

Yes, I've clouded myself with smoke and alcohol because i'm too scared to face life's challenges. Everytime i invest my time and effort into something i really want, i always seem to fail, which has led me to question my faith once again. Yes, i know it isn't God's fault. I've told myself a thousand times. Then who's to blame? No one but me. But I'm tired of it. I'm always blaming myself, thinking I'm a fool.. a coward.. an idiot. Now that explains my low self-esteem.

It's about time i stopped this. To my dear friend, yes, you know who you are. Thank you for talking some sense into my rock-hard head. I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to give you and early birthday present. :) yes, later today, it'll be my fourth, and LAST. :)

I hope and pray, that this too is just a passing phase. Lord, help me. Hear my prayers.

P.S. happy birthday to my besfriend since level 3 mikel steven l. saromines! :D

i wanna play ball.. :(

why is it that when i want it to rain, it never does. but when i expect a bright and sunny day, i get a rainstorm. :(

i wanna play ballllll. samok ang ulan. makalagot. uggghh. kanina pa kami nagahintay ni jake para maka laro ba. sige parin ulan. pero anyyywayyy..

my real reason for posting is to share a simple thought. when we love someone, and they end up hurting us, doing everything to get him/her back is not worth it. that shit won't work in real life. sure, we see it all the time in movies.. but the truth is, it won't work in real life. when he/she says it's over, he/she means it. like tank's father said in my bestfriend's girl, "the truth will set you free.. but first it's gonna piss you off." well, that's a slightly better version of "The truth hurts." and so, upon realizing this, i finally stopped. i kept trying and trying and trying, but in the end, i did not get the aftermath that i had wanted. instead, i pushed her away even further. i guess people make up quotes like "dreams really do come true" or "if you try your hardest, you will succeed" in order to protect us from the pain of disappointment. face it, we only feel the pain if we do nothing about it. but if we keep on trying, eventually the pain will go away when we focus on the thought of possibly achieving something again.

and so, as expected, i went into a 6-month emo/heartbroken/loser phase. but then i realized, i don't need this. and so i asked my self, who is my first love? who's been there for me every time i needed help? does being with her make me happy? finally i found my answer. BASKETBALL. yes, it's my first love. it's been there fore me all my life and yes, i am happy when i do it. so i made a promise to myself, i will not let any girl ruin my life ever again. instead, i will focus on basketball, especially now since ComBioBmTancy plays regularly on saturdays. i will become better. i know what you're thinking. "didn't he just say a while ago that dreams never really do come true? or trying won't do you any good?" Well, then i guess i'm focusing on the possibility of achieving something again.. and when the time comes that i end up disappointed again, i'll have another blog post waiting.. face it, that's life. we all have our own way of coping with it.. this is mine. :)